Updated: Jul 24
On the surface, it seems strange that you could be anything other than who you really are. But from the time we’re born, we’re being programmed by our caregivers and by society to “fit in” by their standards. We often end up being molded into who they want us to be rather than who we truly desire to be. We become people pleasers and suppress our needs so that we can fit in and not disappoint the ones who care about us. We see this all the time in the narrative “My parents want me to do/be this; so, I have to…”. Overtime, we can lose ourselves and not even recognize who we are.
However, your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. Without a healthy relationship with yourself, it’s practically impossible to have healthy relationships with anyone else.
Here are 4 tips to help you begin reconnecting with yourself:
1. Quiet the noise in your head.
You know what noise I’m talking about! The inner voices that are constantly nagging you to pick up the groceries, talk to the school teacher, juggle the bills, schedule your doctor’s appointment, keep the boss happy, etc. With all that noise going on, it’s impossible for you to hear anything else. This MUST be the first step. How do you do that? By setting up systems, simplifying, and practicing regular self-care. (Click here if you’d like to download a tool to help you organize your thoughts and declutter your brain.)
2. Practice thinking about yourself in healthy , positive ways.
To be able to do that, you must first believe that you are valuable and worthy. You must believe that your true self has something to offer the world. Because you do! You talk to yourself more than everyone else in your life combined (and that’s a lot of talking)! Therefore, it’s up to YOU to establish healthy communication in your thinking. Consciously listen to how you talk to yourself. Write down the unhealthy or negative things you say to yourself. Challenge them and replace them with facts. Here's an example:
Self-Talk: “You never do anything right.”
Challenge: “Of course I do things right. I did (insert example) right. This time, I just made a mistake. I’ll learn from it and have better success next time.”
3. Listen to your heart
Sounds easy enough, but by the time we’re adults, most of us have stopped listening to our hearts and go only with our heads (or what other people tell us). Your head and heart must reconnect in order to find your real self again. Stop doubting yourself and stop ignoring your gut. Use your brain for logic and your heart for further intuition. When making decisions, ask yourself if it's necessary and is it important to you.
4. Be careful not to get hung-up on a specific goal.
What you’re really after is a feeling, like respect, love, or appreciation. Although it's nice, it's not the company car or a great spouse. It's the feeling that comes with achieving or obtaining such things. Identify your desired feelings and figure out how you can achieve them on your own. Keep an open mind to the feelings and be willing to adjust the methods you use to achieve them. Determine not just your goals, but how it satisfies who you really are. The mask will come off and your real self will eventually begin shining through.
There’s a person you know and love that’s waiting for you to take the time to listen, understand and accept them. That person is YOU! When you accept your true self again, you'll make smarter choices, and those choices will stick because they actually fit who you are. You’ll be happier and experience more peace. Now, that's what you're really looking for, isn't it?
Blessings & Abundance
Your Resident Mindset Coach,
P.S. Just like our bodies, our brains need to detox, too! Click here to grab your free Daily Brain Detox. It'll help you to organize your thoughts, declutter your brain, and work towards your most important goals!
If you need more in depth guidance to increase your clarity about who you are, then book a complimentary consultation call here.